I am reliably informed in a comment posted by edinburghsloth666 that hairy Bristolian TV presenter Justin Lee Collins is attempting to bring back Brut aftershave in a documentary (he recently tried to reunite the A Team, presumably digging up George Peppard's grave in the process). This coincides with an interesting report on > BBC Radio 4 about brand orphans; brands that are dropped and sold off by their owners, and then brought back to life on popular demand. It usually happens to brands you once loved but somehow forgot about (Smash instant potato mash, Camp coffee). Judging by the aroma of the burly old geezers who work out at my gym, I thought Brut aftershave was still very much alive and well. I have to say that Brut and Old Spice trigger fond memories inside me whenever I smell them. Come to think of it, perfume can be just as powerful as music in triggering memories and emotions. Whenever I catch a whiff of Benetton's perfume I think of my first proper girlfriend. But then I also think of her when I hear the theme tune from Psycho.



People get very excited about familiar brands being discontinued or altered in some way. The obvious example is the new Coke debacle, but recently fans of the Ask Jeeves search engine delivered a huge petition to its owners, in reaction to the news that the friendly butler mascot was being dropped, along with the 'Jeeves' name. I'm told more people signed up to that than a recent petition to end land mines. I myself am just as bad. When I heard the news that the Helmut Lang label was being discontinued, after its head designer walked out, I went into mild shock for a day. Refusing to believe it was true, I surfed the web, called up journalist friends, I even trecked over to Selfridges dept. store to search out the horrible truth. I simply couldn't believe it, my favourite designer, well one of them, gone, forever. It really did feel as if a friend had died or moved to Australia (same thing).



See how sad I am? Understand why I'm burning all this lot now? The good news is that I am slowly coming to terms with the brand addiction. Today is my birthday: traditionally I would be expecting expensive designer gifts from my friends and family (and become slightly riled that only my fiancé would actually come up with the goods, God bless her). This year, I can honestly say I want for nothing. Primarily because any branded thing I am given will be destroyed in a matter of weeks, but also I think I might be turning a corner in my addiction to material gain. I feel almost liberated, a constant raging urge to consume is beginning to subside. One trip to the shops may tip me over the edge again, but for now I believe I am on the road to recovery.

I start therapy next week. I'll be attempting to understand how I have come to rely on brands for my self-esteem and personal identity. That's when the real tears begin to flow.